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My Blog

Life

There ARE Stupid Questions

We've all heard that "there is no stupid question." Well, Sunday's paper had a list of stupid questions they've received.

"Why do so many things taste like chicken?"

"We have all heard the expression 'Once in a blue moon.' What other colors does the moon come in?"

"I do not understand women. Would the study of quantum mechanics help?"

"How fast is the Earth revolving? If it ever suddenly stopped, how far would a two-hundred-pound man fly?

Bananas!

I had my neighbor's five-year-old grandson in the car and, for reasons that only a five-year-old would understand, he chanted "Bananas!" about five hundred times during a fifteen-minute car ride. I thought it was funny. My son morphed from a grumpy teenager to a grumpier old man and started threatening suicide. I tried to teach the Little a "Knock Knock" joke but couldn't get him to say "Who's there?" After five minutes or so, my son was threatening to jump out of the car.

Horrible Headlines

I'm starting to fear what I'll read in the paper and hear on the news. These are actual stories, and proof that life is stranger than fiction

"Bear Chases Man in his California Home." Does California have a "Make My Day" law like we do here in Colorado? The bear was obviously just defending himself and his family.

"Study Finds Horrifying Link Between Scented Candles and Health Problems." I'm not making this up, people. Next they'll discover that the quilting on our toilet paper will kill us, too.

Road Rage

Today's paper had an article about the increase in road rage incidents. I'm sure that's not a surprise to anyone who's ever driven anywhere. People be crazy out there.

Here in Colorado Springs four middle-aged women (!), defying demographics and statistics, were involved in two road incidents over this past weekend. One of the women pulled a gun! Shocking!

I wonder if she'll have to step down as president of the PTO and bake-sale chair, or if she can still run them from jail. She certainly can't continue as car-pool coordinator and soccer-team driver, and the Girl Scouts will no longer let her be Cookie Mom.

The Face of Road Rage


Boys and their Toys

Pokemon Go is a phone ap and it's the latest craze. People wander around and collect characters. Sites like the Holocaust Museum are complaining, though, about Pokemon hunters. They say it's not respectful. Personally, I think anything that gets young people through the doors of a museum--any museum--is a good thing. Make them take a tour. They might accidentally learn something. As my son said (just before I punched him), a place like the Holocaust Museum is probably pretty dead.

(He swore that he didn't realize what he was saying until he heard it. I hit him again anyway, just in case.)

Stranger than Fiction

I copied-and-pasted this story:

"Noela Rukundo sat in a car outside her home, watching as the last few mourners filed out. They were leaving a funeral — her funeral. Finally, she spotted the man she’d been waiting for. She stepped out of her car, and her husband put his hands on his head in horror. “Is it my eyes?” she recalled him saying. “Is it a ghost?” “Surprise! I’m still alive!” she replied. Far from being elated, the man looked terrified. Five days earlier, he had ordered a team of hit men to kill Rukundo, his partner of 10 years.

Stranger than Fiction


Headlines


Just Stay Home

I was stopped at a light this afternoon when a woman hit my bumper. (Not hard to damage the car or me, happily.) I pulled over and SHE JUST KEPT GOING. My reaction, I realize, was far out of proportion to the (virtually non-existent) damage and may be directly related to the fact that this is the SECOND time I've been hit by drivers who ran and the THIRD time I've been hit by careless drivers in the past couple of years.

I drove directly to the police station two blocks away. Sadly, they did not put out an APB for this menace to society.
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